More Than a Feeling

Something happened this morning that made me look at the mother’s love I give to my children in a much different light.

My alarm went off as usual, and as I opened my eyes, I saw my youngest daughter Gracie’s precious face. She raised her eyebrows and breathed in deeply as she started to wake up and her little crooked mouth raised into a sweet tiny smile. Her arm stretched high above her head as she tried to pull herself from her slumber with a stretch.

With her eyes just barely opened, she immediately focused in on me and her smile spread wide across her beautiful face. Her outstretched arm reached around my neck and she snuggled into me, whispering quietly, “Good morning, Mommy.”

None of this is extraordinary. It’s probably happened a thousand times throughout my 17 years as a mom to my precious children. But I realized something as my daughter stayed nestled into my neck, pressed into me, feeling safe and loved.

I don’t know what that feels like.

My mother was never maternal, I’m not revealing some deep dark secret by saying that. She is an amazing grandmother to my kids and I love my mom. I accept who she is and put that to bed years ago.

But feeling Gracie squeezing me with so much affection, knowing that in in my embrace, she feels completely loved and secure, it struck me that she has what I missed so much as a little girl. Not a mother, but a mommy.

Pouring my efforts into this role has been so fulfilling, and often times, my feelings for my children overwhelm me with such intense joy and heartfelt emotion, it’s hard not to cry! I can’t imagine for a second she could possibly feel any more love for me than I feel for her.

And given the choice between the two of us, I would much rather give her a mother’s love and get to experience a mother/daughter relationship from my end.

My two cents: it’s amazing to be able to give a mother’s love and flood your children’s lives with TLC, especially if it’s something you haven’t experienced! It really fills your heart and soul with appreciation and joy for all the emotions they will associate with their mommy.

That’s more than just a feeling. That’s a future you’ve imprinted on their hearts that they’ll be able to cherish for the rest of their lives.

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